Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark
AT night, the dashboard of an Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark lights up in red, green and white.
In fact, the whole car might as well smell of Bolognese sauce, play Caruso every time you turn on the ignition and say “Ciao” in an irritating nasal way when you turn it off.
Yes, there can be no doubting that this is a 100 per cent Italian car.
Since it was launched last year, the Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark has won more competitions than AC Milan and Juventus combined.
And, as you would expect from anything made in Italy, it is all about styling.
Styling on the outside, styling on the inside – even the number plate on the front has been moved to one side because it looks better.
Another example lies on the rear doors.
Obviously, few image-conscious Italian men would be seen in a frumpy five-door because they are interested in just one “very beautiful lady” and not her fat friends nor, heaven forbid, her children.
So the handles at the back are concealed in the window frames – leaving the Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark looking more like a three-door coupe which, like its testosterone-driven owner, is always raring to go.
But don’t be deceived into thinking that this car is just pretty to look at.
It accelerates and turns like Roberto Baggio and is unlikely to be as prone to injury.
No, it felt well-built. And it may well last through its three-year, unlimited mileage warrantee and eight-year anti-corrosion guarantee rather than just to the end of the driveway as Alfas did in the past.
I drove the Twin Spark 2.0-litre model which comes between the 1.8-litre and 2.5 V6 models also available.
The engine has such a beautiful sound you feel like revving it before even setting off.
You might also find yourself pulling the vroom-face children make when imitating a Formula 1 car – well, I did anyway.
Out on the road, everything about the Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark is impressive.
The acceleration is smooth and quick, the handling positive and the brakes gently squeeze the all-round discs as your average Gianluca might an English tourist’s buttocks.
The dashboard is a little flimsy with bits of strategically-placed walnut which seem so popular among manufacturers but so unpopular among those buying the cars.
Similarly, there is a wooden steering wheel which I didn’t like.
My main complaint of the inside was the air-conditioning which, because of the positioning of the vents, seemed impossible to set so that a jet of cold air pointed anywhere near me.
Perhaps it is possible to direct the full flow up from the passenger’s leg compartment so that the tiny Versace dress of your supermodel girlfriend blows gently in the wind.
Unfortunately, I didn’t try that and my wife normally wears trousers in any case.
I could not end a piece about the Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark without mentioning the new Grand Prix-style push-button gear change on the steering wheel which costs around pounds 1,000 extra.
Unfortunately, the Sele-speed system wasn’t available when I tested the car but it has been around for about a month now and I’m told it works very well.
It makes the Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark the world’s first production saloon with a sequential gearbox controlled by a driver’s fingertips.
Alfa Romeo says the system is good for safety because you are more likely to keep both hands on the wheel while driving.
This is also good news for any female passengers who might be wearing a thin cotton dress when the air-conditioning is full up. Mama Mia!
Alfa Romeo 156 2.0 T Spark
How much: pounds 21,197 on the road
How fast: 0-60mph in 8.6 seconds. Top speed 134mph
How thirsty: 33.2mpg
Engine: 1,970cc, four-cylinder, 16-valve producing 155bhp
Insurance: Group 14
I like: The beautiful Italian body
I don’t like: The phony wood inside
